WaAngel

The little big man has something to show you…

And don’t you worry. I’m still working on that post. It’s going to be good… I promise!

Go see what the little man is up to now!

And there’s another post coming… I’m working on it slowly!

That’s right… I grieved for a little while, and now I’m over it.

Thanks for the support. And thanks for listening (or reading, whatever) to me. For real.

And now, back to our regularly scheduled programming…..

I’m sure you’re all tired of hearing me talk about how shitty everything is. I’m sure everyone reading this right now is thinking “How can she complain? She gets to stay at home with her son, she has a wonderful husband, she has a wonderful son. I mean seriously, someone knock this lady upside the head and tell her to get over it.” I know, I think the same thing every day that I come here and post about how dark things are.

Because really there are things in my life that are good. But you all know how we all are… the bad is way easier to focus on. Especially when it seems that everyone in your life has something going on at the moment. I said seems. Not everyone in my life has bad things going on.

Take, for example, Courtney. She had a beautiful baby girl, and things are going well. She’s figuring out how to be the best momma that she can be (which I happen to know that she’s a really good momma), and things are going as fantasically as they can possibly be with a 5 day old (geezus, she’s 5 days old already? I gotta get my ass up there).

My parents are doing well. My grandparents are doing well. BabyOliver is doing absolutely wonderfully. I mean, he’s advancing way faster than any of us could possibly imagine. He’s working on another tooth (that’s right, his third). If you didn’t watch the videos yesterday, he’s pulling himself to a stand at least twice a day. I mean really… who could ask for more.

Me. I could. Because Hubby said something last night that made me think about all the stuff that’s happened in the last week or two.

“I feel lied to. I feel like we all got lied to.”

And not just some little itty bitty lie either.

Huh. I never, ever thought of it like that.

Here’s something I bet you didn’t know about me. I used to lie… a lot. And lie really doesn’t even cover it. I used to tell HUGE lies. At least once a day. Ask my parental units. They’ll tell you some whoppers. Seriously. Like this one time… in like 7th grade… I told everyone I was pregnant. Yeah… those kind of lies. Why did I do it? Because I wanted attention. And apparently, I wanted it bad. It took me a LONG time to earn everyone’s trust back after I stopped lying. Because I did stop (not that this is about me, I’m just letting everyone who knows me now know that I did stop).

So you can imagine how I feel about lying now. You can imagine how worked up I get when I am lied to. And I’m sure you can imagine just how worked up I get when you lie to someone I love. Someone I love a lot. Someone I would do anything for. I call it being worked into a Tizzy. That’s right… a tizzy.

So that’s where I’m at now. I don’t see black anymore… I’m seeing red. I’m pissed beyond imagine. Because while I never thought about it like that… it’s totally true. We were all lied to. Because someone needed attention. And while I might not be the person to judge that particular part of the situation… I’m 28 years old, and I don’t have to tell lies to get attention anymore. I don’t have to tell lies to get anything… ever. I would even go so far as to say that I don’t have to lie about anything to anyone because that just doesn’t get you anywhere. As a matter of fact, it’s one of my biggest pet peeves. Lie to me, and I find out (because I always find out… you just can’t lie to a former liar)?! Yeah, you’re dead to me. Basically.

So now what? We were lied to. I can’t change that. I can’t turn back the hands of time and say “Oh well. I understand why you did it… look at me… I did it when I was younger.” Because that’s just not acceptable in my book.

I feel defeated. I feel like I struggled for years for nothing. I feel like my little family struggled with how they felt for nothing. I feel like my poor hubby put his faith into something, only to realize now that his faith may have been misplaced. And that, my friends, breaks my heart. He’s a good man. And he deserves a good life, a good family, and good things to happen to him. He also deserves to trust in people. I’m just glad he trusts in me.

Of course you would? Because what’s better than following a post about how dark everything is with something so amazing??? Watch what he does. Seriously. Because I still can’t believe it…

Go here and download said video.

And it’s not the first time he’s done it….

Download a video from earlier that day.

That’s right… we have one smart baby.